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Just a small one...
Showed this to a friend who said they liked it so thought to hell with it I'll put it here.

A small poem about forgetfulness...

“And where is it?” the teacher exclaimed
how do I explain that I forgot?
That for a moment that the work did not exist
except the moment continued
and continued
till I was asked “where is it?”

Said it was tiny.

Yet another return, a update and a very alternative health kick
Well yes as I should of known I didn't stay here for long. Lots of stuff happened...you know real stuffy stuff that really...stuffs you up? Oh well I'm back again to muse about anything and everything.

First a rather big update. I got married in Feb. On my birthday too...well it's Phil's birthday too hence the choice of day. Very small just parents there. After we did the whole getting married thing went for a meal and typical of my birthday...it poured down with rain. I don't care what the song says there was nothing ironic about it.

And now the health kick. I got fed up at the beginning of the year oh how bloody unhealthy I was for someone at the mere age of 24. So at 25 and married and being told by my dr up with this I shouldn't put I started to think how would I ever get healthy.

For starters I'm not very social so diet clubs really didn't appeal. Same went for gyms and going for runs were no where near on the cards. So I started going for walks...lots of them. They really did help and saw some of the weight come off. Then I decided to save up and get a kinect for my x box. My justification was this would be my awkward person's alternative gym. So every evening I have a kind sounding Canadian woman on some exercise game that I'm "doing great!", how awfully kind.

Now maybe the oddest part. I now go for runs, in my hallway! I'm no where near okay with myself to go out into a gym or run round my village at the moment and crazy as it sounds it works and is safer for my dyspraxic self in some ways. Cheesy as it sounds my goal now is to lose more weight and in the next year or two do the race for life.

So here's to another return to live journal who knows I might even stay this time...

Just a thought...
Just because the cage isn't locked
Don't think you're allowed in
A demand for silence
According to how I see it
And though you may see chaos
There may well be peace
But no one else is aware
It seems to matter
That I don't exist as others do
And with that words get thrown around
And I have to be told how I feel
Who I am
What I do
When in reality
You were never allowed in my cage.

"The hours are pretty good...minutes are lousy though"
Anyways here I am once again putting finger to keyboard.

I've always been slow on the uptake...it took me 19 years before I realised I could pretty much touch type and it took my brother eight years younger than me to say maybe I was dypraxic. Sometimes life keeps us far too busy to notice we're not staying still either.

So this eases us gently into me talking about how I can't quite believe we're already into the 'er' months (September, October etc). I remember beginning of this year I was scared as hell because I kept having my only job interview in months being postponed because of the snow and still trying to find my headspace living in a newish place.

I'm not gonna be all "can't believe where the time has gone!" it's more September has always been a funny month for me. Despite going to a university that started term in October and now me being employed September always makes me feel a bit like a kid again. The good day time tv is replaced with Jeremy Kyle again, Tesco won't shut up about back to school rubbish and christmas stuff is already in the shops...it's truely the emotional limbo of the soul that is September!

I've never been able to break out of my term time mind and there's an element of my mind being trained sadly. I get all optimistic come July, a bit sad in September but then there's the excitement of the coming months. It's less oh yay christmas more that was just an exciting time at school so surely must still be like this? So I guess while things are changing and time goes on I still sometimes feel the same way at certain times. Personally I find these feelings comforting as it's all part and parcel of how I experience things and sometimes coming back to a familiar feeling is comforting and not in a bad way.

So there we go a lovely ol' ramble and I didn't even look at the keyboard once!

Sleep is for the tired
So another late night post!

Today despite work being mad as ever I really enjoyed it. It also made me think I need to keep going at it for now because I don't think I'll find experience like this any where else.

I do find I'm becoming less tolerent to ignorance surrounding autism now than ever before. I pretty much snapped at another work mate because I felt he just didn't get it and was just generalising.

Something like autism is far from the cookie cutter perspective some want to think exists. Then again so is so many conditions. I've honestly met people who expect either to meet super geniuses or are shocked when people with autism can do things for themselves. All depends on the sterotype they'e bought into. Battling ignorance on such a topic is like trying to shovel snow with a teaspoon...annoying and you always end up feeling like the stupid one.

Am thinking of doing a OU course in autism just so I can learn more and show others I've gone and learnt too. The student in me is aching to be set free again...ohhhhhh stupid brain why won't you be quiet?

I tried being normal and boy howdy did it give me a migraine...
Well I actually forgot I had a profile on here...

So here I am and there we go.

Oh my goodness reading my former ramblings on here it reads like my little sister...least it means we're related and I wasn't adopted after all.

So my new job has really opened my eyes to where I wanna go with my life...well okay I'm still confused as hell but now the path seems a little more clear.

It was suggested to me I could re-train as a nurse or social worker as mainly I want to help care for people. These are all good ideas but as with many things lack of money as ever gets in my damn way!

Been living in Suffolk now for over a year and though I'm not little miss sunshine I'm much happier. That said I'm aching to study again may need to look into things but shall take my time.

Am thinking of looking into courses on autism seeing as it just seems to be a topic that never goes away for me.

Anyways tis nice to be back...see you in another couple of years when I remember I have an account here again ;)

Am off to Plymouth soon cannot wait! Am going to see my friend Lana (or her new name...Awesome girl of awesomeness). I almost feel like this is my holiday, well it is really! As said getting my next tattoo when i'm there...shall update on my shenanigans when I return on Monday!!!

I want nothing less than exceptional creative thought...
It's silly how little things can set you off, make you think and change your perspective for the day. Today for the first time in ages (and you're gonna laugh at how I'm hyping this) I had sugar in my tea, I was again that 7 year old kid trying to be like Mum and Dad and having tea I drank as a kid, was reminded of memories of living in London, some good some not so great but I felt happy to remember them and it was a lovely cup of tea lol.

Back in Braintree now after again spending some time in Colchester, maybe I shoulda stayed there but I do like being at home, plenty of people who I don't need to explain my weirdness too it's just me!

Also my computer is dying I think, I'm getting times when the graphics on the screen gets all messed up so I have to restart and the sound drivers keep telling me to fuck off and not work! Oh well this is what warranty and all that crazy stuff comes into it, I'm sure my statutory rights shan't be effected but if I slit the throat of a duck now and sware allegiance to OUR dark lord I could be entitled to a charming carriage clock!

What the hell?! Something awful seriously warps my mind!

How do people like this come into being?!


Just can't sleep! It's 4.25 am and I really should be asleep right now. Insted I'm on here doing nothing productive at all. It's just so werid, I feel sleepy but I know I won't sleep for a while now...Thank goodness for my downloads of aqua teen hunger force and all my music! Why can't more people be awake right now :(